Berkley Sty-lee

The O.C: Oakland County Berkley Sty-lee

We now return from our regularly unscheduled hiatus-type thingy.

Producer: How are we going to do the show with our star injured?
Network Exec #1: Eh, just replace him and have a guest host. Or have a trippy dream sequence.
Writer: We could totally use the Vicodin prescription for comedy gold!
[Wanders off muttering something about “redheads”]
Producer: So who do you propose we get to guest star?
Network Exec #2: How about Greg Evigan? He hasn’t done anything since My Two Dads.
Producer: I think Patrick Duffy is looking for work also.
NE #1: No, those guys still cost too much. Hmm. Belushi’s dead and Michael Gross is doing all those Lifetime movies.
NE #2: Which Belushi are you talking about? The actual dead one or the one whose career is dead?
NE #1: The actual dead one. What about Brian Doyle Murray?
Producer: I think that just might work. With sexy results!

I walk into the meeting then.

Me: So what’s up?
NE #2: We’ve decided that we’re going to have Brian Doyle Murray take over your role until you’re healed.
Me: Really? Is he just going to be doing my stunts for me? ‘Cause I can totally handle everything but the stunts.
NE #1: Sure. We’ll let you know when the stunt double needs to take over.

The Next Day.

I am laying on my couch, having just taken a Vicodin for my arm pain.

Me: This stuff makes me so sleepy… maybe I’ll just take a nap… zzzzzz.

We now enter my dreamworld. Sitting on fluffy tie-dyed pillows are Alyson Hannigan, Alicia Witt, Robin Tunney,, Julianne Moore and Gillian Anderson.

Me: Awesome. Redheads!
Alyson Hannigan: What’s my name!
Me: [jokingly] Didn’t you use that line in American Pie?
AH: [angrier] Say my name, Bitch!
Me: [scared but turned on]Alyson!
Julianne Moore: I’m in the F.B.I.
Gillian Anderson: So am I.
Robin Tunney: By the power of three times three…
Me: Is this going anywhere?
Alicia Witt: Yes, it is. We’re all going make out with you, and have our way with you.
Me: These are some good drugs.

The ladies start to kiss me and grope all over.

Director: Cut! Bring in the stunt double!
Me: What?!!
Director: You’re injured. You can’t do these scenes so Brian Doyle Murray will be your stunt double during the most sexy parts. You’d be in great peril.
Me: I can handle the peril!
Director: No, you can’t. It’s much too perilous.
Me: Bet you’re gay.

I then have to move out of the way and Brian Doyle Murray takes my place.

Me: This sucks.

Join us next time when Chloe may or may not reappear and decide that my broken arm was the result of meteor rocks.