The O.C: Oakland County Berkley Sty-leePreviously on The O.C.: Oakland County,Mike had broken his arm and there was a stunt double, Brian Doyle Murray, and there were sexy redheads who did not make out with him. It’s now six weeks later.
Meeting with studio and network executives.
Me: Ah, finally, my arm’s healed and I don’t have to wear the sling anymore. So, when do I start making out with hot chicks again?
Producer: Didn’t anyone tell you? We’re on hiatus until the next season begins. We won’t be filming for another couple months.
Me: Damn.
Network Exec #1: Well, you’ll just have to find some other way to fulfill your juvenile sex fantasies for a while.
Me: Hmm. I wonder if “Hot Blondes” needs a guest star?
Several days later.
Me: Dude. I’m sorry there was this miscommunication involving the picking up of the “Hot Blondes” from the COA meeting. I thought that they were going to be waiting in the meeting room. They were at the loading dock. Then something hilarious happened involving a nun, a preacher and a horse.
Dan: (annoyed) Well, as long as no one lost their head.
Me: Umm...
Audience: (Raucous Laughter)
Me: Hey! Since when have I had a laugh track? I thought this show was supposed to be edgy and hip and not need a laugh track.
Dan: I think I heard that your ratings sucked and they decided to “punch it up” with added gags and lame jokes.
Me: That sucks.
Audience: (Raucous Laughter)
Me: OK. That is getting really annoying.
Audience: (Raucous Laughter)
Me: (Angrier) AHHH!! Shut up! Go away!
Audience: [crickets chirping]
Me: Much better.
Dan: Dude. Don’t be a spaz.
Me: ‘S cool. I’m cool. So, is this all that’s going on here?
Dan: Pretty much.
Me: Ok. I’ll see you later than.
Audience: (Tittering)
Me: (Evilly glaring) Hey! Ok, I’ll see you ‘round. Bye.
Audience: (silence)
Some more time passes.
Me: How am I going to have hot chicks come over to my house? I can’t even get the hot chicks I know to come over. Think McFly, think!
Suddenly, Leah Thompson shows up.
Lea Thompson: George McFly, you’re so dreamy.
Me: Uh, my name's not George. What are doing here?
LT: You’re my density. Uh, I mean, my destiny.
Me: This is heavy.
LT: In a way, yeah, kinda.
Me: So, you never answered my question. What are you doing here?
LT: I thought we were going to park.
Me: Like my car?
LT: No, like in your car. I brought booze and cigarettes.
Me: There’s no smoking in my car. But that doesn’t matter because we’re in my living room. Well, there’s no smoking in my house either.
Crispin Glover: Get your damn meathooks off her!
Me: What? I wasn’t even near her.
CG: Oh, really? How about I just look really creepy and carry a cane around.
Me: Sure, knock yourself out.
Dreamy fade-outBack to the boardroom with network execs…
Network Exec #1: So, that’s how the first scene from the next season will go. I think the guest stars and blatant ripping off of movie properties should really get the ratings up.
Producer: What about recasting the lead?
Me: What? I’m the show! You can’t recast me!
Network Exec #2: We can do whatever we want. If that means recasting the show with a hot, new, up-and-comer we’ll do it. Your contract specifically gives us that power.
Me: [under breath] Knew I shouldn’t have hired an entertainment lawyer from that flyer I found on my windshield.
Me: [to Execs] OK, well fine. I’ll do whatever we need to do to keep this show going.
Producer: *gleam in his eye* I’m sure we’ll think of something…
Find out what happens on the next not very exciting or funny episode of The O.C.: Oakland County Berkley Sty-lee
Scenes from the next episode
Me in a teapot costume standing on a chair balanced over a gigantic, writhing CGIed lava-filled crater.Me: I’m a little teapot, short and stout, here is my handle, here is my spout. When I start to whistle, hear me shout, “tip me over and pour me
*falling off chair* ooooooouuuuuuuuut!”
Julia Louis Dreyfus and Jane Krakowski sitting in the conference room with network execsJulia Louis Dreyfus: Well, if I have to make out with him, I’m going to need at least 3 times scale.
Jane Krakowski: That’s what she said!
Audience: (Raucous laughter)
Set of The O.C.: Oakland County Berkley Sty-leeDirector: So in this scene I want you to look like you’re really surprised that she found you in her underwear. OK?
Me: (resignedly) Fine.
Director: Action!
Me: *half-hearted surprised look* (slowly, deliberately) Oh. My. God. I can’t believe you found out my dirty, little, secret. I like to dress up in your clothes.
Jennifer Love Hewitt: How do you even fit in them? No wonder half of them were all stretched out! Why did you do this?
Me: I’m Mike. I’m a pervert.
Audience: (sparse laughter)
Me: I like to wear bras. *shrug*
Audience: [crickets chirping]
Announcer Guy: Find out next time!
